Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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