i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
