I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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