Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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