So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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