tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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