She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
