i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
