...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
