FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
