he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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