I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
