This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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