So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
