I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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