you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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