I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
