I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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