Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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