he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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