i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
