Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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