Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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