know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
