you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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