I think i peed on brittanys purse
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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