oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This house was built for laser tag.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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