Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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