a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
