i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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