Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
