xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
