i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
