I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize