I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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