That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
