Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
