Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
