the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
