remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
