i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
