i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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