if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
