Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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