I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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