apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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