So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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