I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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