i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
