so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
