whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
