Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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