I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize