Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
