i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
