how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
