We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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