Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
