i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
