Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
