I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
