she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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