I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
