Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
