I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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