New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
