Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
