I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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