You made me cry and you don't even care
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
