I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize