'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize