This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
