Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
