DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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