addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
