I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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