that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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