how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
