My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
