i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
