glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
